


Overkill

by samsarapine



Category: Naruto
Genre: Blanket Permission, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-19
Updated: 2013-01-19
Packaged: 2017-11-26 01:08:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/644866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samsarapine/pseuds/samsarapine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kakashi makes an assumption...  or, more accurately, an ass out of himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Overkill

**Author's Note:**

> Podfic by the wonderful Kansouame; you can download it [here](http://www.mediafire.com/?62bn0uq0md4khhi). Created for the KakaIru Fest 2012 Autumn Mini Round, Jounin level, for the prompt, "Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much." _Oscar Wilde_

**Overkill**

"He's over here, boss!" Pakkun sounded funny.

Grimly, Kakashi lifted his hitai-ite to expose his Sharingan. "Stay back, Pakkun. I want you ready to go for help if Iruka-sensei is badly wounded."

Pakkun coughed. "Ah, boss--"

Kakashi silently dropped to the forest floor and drew his kunai. He ignored Pakkun's hissed, "Boss, wait!" and crept to the edge of the clearing where Iruka-sensei was, hopefully, still alive. He disguised his killing intent; no need to give a warning---

"Kakashi-sensei, I know that's you in the bushes. It took you long enough. Dinner is nearly burnt."

It sounded like Iruka-sensei. But if he'd learned anything from his missions, Kakashi knew never to assume anything. Just because that was Iruka-sensei's voice, didn't mean it was actually Iruka-sensei. Or if it was, he could be speaking under duress. 

On the other hand, he'd been made. The element of surprise was no longer his. He stood, getting his first clear view of the scene.

The Mist-nin that Iruka-sensei had been tracking was bound tight with chakra wire, an expression comprised of equal parts disgust and resignation on his face. Iruka-sensei was calmly stirring a pot suspended over a smokeless flame.

"Kai," Kakashi murmured. The scene didn't change, and the Sharingan didn't detect any genjutsus.

"It's rabbit stew," Iruka-sensei said, turning to him and beaming. "I hope you're hungry."

Kakashi blinked and scratched his head. "No offense, but--?" He gestured at the prisoner.

Iruka's expression flashed from pleasant and welcoming to blank in an instant. "No offense?" he asked. His voice grew dangerously calm. "What do you mean, 'no offense?'"

"Uh, your mission was to track..." Kakashi winced as Iruka's face flushed and his eyes narrowed. "I mean, you didn't come equipped to, you know--" He waved at the prisoner again.

"Are you saying I don't have the skills to take an enemy prisoner, Kakashi-san?" His voice nearly made Kakashi's blood turn to ice.

"Of course not," he said quickly. "I've always been impressed by your resourcefulness."

A killing aura swept over Kakashi as Iruka slowly stood. "I'm going to pretend I didn't just hear that," Iruka said, deadly pleasant. "I'm sure that you didn't mean to be so condescending. Now, how about you take your foot out of your mouth while I go get some water?" He disappeared with a swirl of leaves.

"He's a scary little bastard," the Mist-nin said in a hushed voice.

"You're telling me," Kakashi muttered to himself. He looked at the Mist-nin. "Just how did he capture you, anyway?"

"Just like that," the nin said. "You know. Me ambushing him, him scaring the shit out of me, being all nice and pleasant. Nearly made me piss my pants."

"Details," Kakashi demanded.

"He was-- er, he was taking a leak," the nin admitted. "Seemed a good time to grab him. But he whipped around and said, scary-like, 'I'm sure you didn't mean to interrupt me while I'm relieving myself, now, did you?' and then, damn, you've seen his eyes. They're scary!"

Kakashi shivered in empathy. "What then?"

"He put himself away, cool as a cucumber, and said, 'I'm going to count to three. If you haven't surrendered by then, I'm going to track you down and slice off your dick the next time you take a leak.'" The nin curled up a bit, protectively. "I wasn't about to have that maniac following me with a kunai until I had to take a piss, so I surrendered and apologized. He was all nice about it, afterward, said he forgave me and everything." The nin swallowed. "I'm pissed as hell at myself that I gave up so easy, but I like my dick where it is."

"Me, too," Kakashi said, fervently. 

Now he just had to figure how he was going to get back to Konoha with his own intact.

fin


End file.
